Am I Norma DesmondI watched Sunset Boulevard last night. It was horrifying. Not, perhaps, for the reasons other people would find horrifying. For me, it was learning that nutty Norma Desmond, living like Dickens’ Miss Haversham was only 50 years old. That’s right. Fifty. Bill Holden threw that number at her like a death sentence. He thought she was an old hag. My shoulders sank. Instead of saying to her, “You’re only 50 years old, for God’s sakes, Norma. You’ve got tons of money. Get out and have some fun!” Nope. No chance for that. In Bill Holden’s eyes, and dare I say, the world’s, Norma was done, used up, finished, beyond any chance of having a life or being loved except by her creepy, sinister German butler.

I thought, Wow, I’m so many years older than Norma. Granted she was probably certifiably crazy, but am I even crazier trying to create a new life at my age? Sometimes the answer veers toward, “Yes,” especially after spending a day like yesterday looking at dreary homes for sale in my price range in Sarasota, and then making the unfortunate choice of watching Sunset Boulevard at night.

Aside from my personal reactions, it’s a great movie, so I continued to watch. Gloria Swanson, if you took away the weird makeup and over-the-top distended eyeball rolling, looked really good. And her imitation of Charlie Chaplin is terrific.

Many years ago, I happened to sit at a table next to her in Spoleto, Italy. I was surprised at how lovely she was in person. After that, I read her autobiography, Swanson on Swanson, which is one of the best autobiographies I have read. So, Gloria and I go way back. But in her iconic role, she damned me and my life to the dustbin. Am I Norma Desmond minus her money, butler, and toy boy Bill Holden?

No—in the light of this gray day, Norma wanted her old life back. I don’t. I had some wonderful experiences as an actress, but I don’t want to play Alzheimer patients. I want to create something new. I’d love to have all my beloved family, friends, and pets alive again, but that is not going to happen. So, I’m ready let go. I think trying to hang onto or recreate the past is what plunged Norma into the Land of Haversham. But, letting go means standing in emptiness, (see p.112 in the new edition of The Four Principles: Applying the Four Keys of Authentic Acting to Life). Emptiness can be scary as hell because it demands a big dose of trust. So many times one wants to hang onto what doesn’t work rather than walk into that big empty space of not knowing what to do, or where to go. or how to get what one really wants.

So, even if I am crazy, I’m going to see if I can create a new life. It’s a challenge and an adventure. Here I go.

I’m ready for my close up, God.

This blog addresses the principle of Commitment.

14 thoughts on “AM I NORMA DESMOND?

  1. Had to laugh like hell, cost of insurance on a home –plus taxes will really scare you silly, so my suggestion is to rent my friend. A great friend of mine bought a refurbished mobile home in a sr. park in Taveres, FL a year ago, she paid under 20k, stays there a few months a year and has a blast, very close to your age and is a retired PHD teacher and a full time flt. attendant with Frontier Air Lines. Crap, u do not need to change or bemoan your age, it’s a wonderful life at any age, just smile and move along kid.

  2. Hi Katherine, I just wanted to chip in that my Mom lives near Sarasota, in a place called Bradenton,that has some nice neighborhoods and is much cheaper AND is closer to the best beach imho Anna Maria Island.I love your conclusion, I think being “empty” is definitely the braver choice and Norma Desmond should have gone for it! If it’s any consolation I just turned 40 and am now older than Mrs. Robinson! (signed Amy’s friend from Scotland who comments on your blog once in a blue moon!)

      • Hi Katherine, I wrote a blog post talking about how the Four Principles has helped me in dealing with much more than acting, I hope it’s ok. I talked about “Ahdwanna”, with a credit and link to your book – if you have a moment to read please let me know if it’s ok? I would have emailed you but couldn’t find an address. I’m new to blogging, don’t want to overstep. ok thank you 🙂

  3. hey, like the old saying goes … “You are as young as the guy you feel”
    Wait!? … is that how it goes?? lol
    Wonderful insight on a great movie character …
    and I can’t help but think of Carol Burnett’s hysterical Madame skits with Harvey Korman …

  4. Katherine
    It has been fun working with you on getting your new Villa here in Venice, Florida and I know you will enjoy it here. Lifes a Beach!!

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